Self Love (Ep 3)

New Episodes Tuesdays!

Connect with us at friendtherapythepod@gmail.com or through DMs on our social media platforms to share your story of living outside society's expectations: 

Kristine IG: https://www.instagram.com/kristinek28/

Wioleta IG: https://www.instagram.com/wioletabors/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/friendtherapythepod/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61573547078228

Tik Tok: FRIEND THERAPY w/ D!NK & S!NK (@friendtherapythepod) | TikTok

X: https://x.com/friendtherapyds

Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/friendtherapypod.bsky.social

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@friendtherapythepod

Buzzsprout: https://friendtherapythepod.buzzsprout.com

Welcome to another episode of Friend Therapy with D!NK and S!NK! Join us, Kristine (the D!NK) and Wioleta (the S!NK) as we discuss the importance of self-love, personal growth, and maintaining a balanced life. In this episode, we delve into how loving yourself impacts your career, relationships, and overall happiness. Hear our experiences navigating life as D!NKs and S!NKs, including tips for loving yourself, managing fitness and health, and the challenges of being single. Don't miss our 'quick fit tip' segment and our fun personal stories about self-improvement and dating. Stay tuned until the end to find out how you can reach us and possibly be featured on our next episode!

00:00 Welcome to Friend Therapy with D!NK and S!NK

00:26 Navigating Self-Love and Relationships

01:34 The Importance of Self-Presentation

02:56 Healthy Habits and Self-Care

04:36 Food, Fitness, and Balance

07:49 Taking Action and Building Confidence

14:31 Finding the Right Partner

21:39 Transforming Through Fitness

22:13 Navigating Relationships in Your Thirties

22:56 It's Just Fish: A Lighthearted Moment

24:25 Adventures at a Singles Event

31:33 Quick Fit Tip: Benefits of Regular Exercise

32:24 The Importance of a Healthy Sex Life

39:00 Boosting Productivity When Living Alone

40:01 Dancing for Productivity

41:06 Wrapping Up the Episode

Transcript

Welcome to another episode of Friend Therapy with D!NK and S!NK. I am Kristine the D!NK. And I am Wioleta, the S!NK. Kristine sometimes calls me Violet. We're so happy that you're here. We are so excited to help you navigate being a D!NK or a S!NK. Stay tuned at the end of the episode for how you can reach us.

We would love to hear from you and have you be a part of the podcast.

 We're so excited to be talking to everybody today about what's been happening in our lives currently. 

Let's start off with talking about being a D!NK or a S!NK in today's world.

Last time we talked about loving yourself and I complained about how, you know, a lot of times it's like advice that's given to us singles is, you know, Hey, love yourself.

And I realized, I do believe that that advice was initially given to People who get into bad relationships, actually, . And people were like, Hey, love yourself first before you get into a relationship. And I think that people have started projecting that onto the singles.

I think so. And just started, you know, just being like, Hey, you got to love yourself first. There's so many single people out there who literally love themselves, that's why they are single because they're holding out for the right person so they know what they deserve and they're really just holding out for that.

But I truly do believe that it's a lot of people just projecting. Yeah, I have to agree. And love yourself first. Yeah. And I think, ultimately, loving yourself should come first. Yeah. For any healthy relationship. Yeah. You know, I, I strongly believe in that. I mean, that's how you grow as a person in your career, um, how you make your money, how you pretty much display yourself really, it's just about how you present yourself and you are number one, you should love yourself first.

That's interesting. Like how you make your money. I want you to expand on that. That's very, very interesting. Yeah. I just think it's important for you to, you know, just be your best self when it comes to making your money because you're presenting you. Right. You're selling yourself to someone, right? It could be at your job, um, or just how you make your money.

Um, it's really how you lay out who you are as a person. So if you love yourself, and if you're confident in your abilities, somebody else will be confident in you. Okay, I do like that. That's such a very good point. Yeah. Oh, shit. Okay. Yeah. I appreciate that. I strongly feel like how you carry yourself, how you present yourself is kind of like a selling image.

It's like you're selling yourself to somebody else. So if you believe in yourself, more than likely everyone else will believe in you. And I mean, technically we're like marketing ourselves all the time, right? It's not just to like potential partners. It's not just to your husband, your spouse, you know, your wife, friends, family, family careers. 

Yeah. Definitely careers. Right? You want people to be confident in your abilities. If you're confident in yourself, then people will trust that and they will be confident in you. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. Fair enough. I also too, this is just like a side note. I, you know, I'm obviously big in fitness, right? But I also feel that how you present yourself is how you feel about yourself.

I know that's a lot of. Um, I don't know if there's any thought to it, but I really do feel like if you really do love yourself, you're going to be your best version of yourself. So that could be you working out, just working on your fitness goals, your appearance. I feel like some of that has something to do with it.

Yeah, I mean, because if you love yourself, you actually take care of yourself. Correct. Right? Yes. And I think presenting yourself well to everybody else. And they're seeing that. Yeah. And you might be an inspiration to them. Maybe they're trying to figure out how they love themselves and they could look up to you and how you can help them to get there.

But even without the presentation, I think, you know, cause there's so much that you do outside of what you present to other people. Let's behind the scenes, right? Like the working out. Yes. The. Getting your eight hours of sleep every night. Yes. Drinking your water. Listening to good podcasts. Listening to good podcasts.

Listening to good music. Yeah. Listening to good music. Getting your daily walks. We'll talk about that today. Yeah. Getting your daily walks. Yes. But yeah, it's stuff that people don't necessarily see all the time, but you do all those things because you do love yourself. Right. Exactly. And I think it's like self therapy.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I think a lot of people don't realize how many good things that you can be doing to show yourself that you love yourself. 100%. You know, maybe it's something that our listeners can try. Maybe they don't know how to fully love themselves or how to get started. It's just the little things that we're explaining, um, little tips that maybe can improve your life to make you more confident as a person, as you should be.

And I think a lot of people, I think a lot of people are probably addicted to food in some kind of a way. There's a lot of addictions for sure. There's a lot of addictions, but food, I think is definitely a common one that people I don't think realize a lot of the time. I can't wait to talk about this.

Yeah, it's all true. Oh, okay. Well, let's talk about it because I'm just saying, it's hard to control what we put in our mouth. Right. Yeah. And unfortunately today's day in society, there's a lot of things that they put in our food compared to maybe the 1960s, 1970s, the ingredient list is completely different.

Right. Or compared to Europe. So I went to see, yeah, cause I have some gut issues that I. Um, and I went to see a doctor for that and she specifically was like, Hey, there's so many things in like our fast food and a lot of just even wow. I'm going to say processed foods really. So not, I wasn't going to say regular food, but it's really processed foods.

A lot of the fast food that is totally. Unacceptable back in Europe, so it's banned in Europe, but out here, it's not every country is different right and their regulations and FDA approvals But I wish America did look into that a little bit more, right? Yeah, but it is true So we do have to control what we do eat I'm telling you right now if it was easy, we all would be looking like a million dollars right now.

I would have to say really It's hard to control what we do eat. It really is, becomes a problem at times because we love sweets. We might like whole foods. We might like fast foods. We might like our frappes at Starbucks, Starby's, you know, but we've really got to monitor what we put in our bodies because eventually, and especially if we're not exercising, it'll take a toll on us, right?

Yeah. And again, that is a way that we show ourselves. We love ourselves, you know, so it's the little things. It's the things behind the scenes and how we present ourselves to the world. But yeah, it is how we eat. It is our morning routines. It's our night routines. It's our whole day routines. You know, like what we're, what we're doing with ourselves.

Right. Yeah. It's just within the 24 hour timeframe. What are we doing with our bodies? Yeah. Right. I mean, we are at work for eight to maybe 12 hours a day and people are seeing us, but what do you do in those extra hours? Are you devouring a whole slice of Oreos and, um, Chips Ahoy? Sometimes I do that. I'm telling you, it's a, it's a balance.

Everything is a balance. Everything is a, well, everything should be a balance. Yeah. Everything should be a balance. It is a balance because. Trust me, I'm all big about whole foods and eating well, but I also love my sweets. So it's just, self control is the biggest portion of it, really, is just watching and monitoring.

Self control is self love. Yes, a hundred percent, girl. And sometimes we might think self love is having like a frappe, right? Or having the food that we love, even though we know it's not so healthy. Yeah. But it's knowing how to control that. And then it's again, it's a balance throughout the day. What do you do for the remaining hours for yourself?

Are you working out? Are you getting your steps in? And are you hydrating your body with water? You know, because we all love sweets, we all love bad foods, but how do we maintain that? How do we maintain our image and how we feel about ourselves, right? Because ultimately, that is, I do feel, important as well.

Oh yeah, for sure. It really is. But it does start with the actions that we take.  

 I do strongly believe that, you know, it's our actions that are more important than just a mindset. Oh yeah. You know, I think that it's the actions that we actually take every single day that really show us who we are as a person.

 Yeah. It's a choice, right? It's a choice that we're making every day, even if it's a good choice or it could be a consequence. Right. Yeah. Actions can have consequences. Of course. You know, but sometimes our actions could have great things that come out of it, right? Yeah. Yeah. With how we love ourselves and how we treat ourselves. 

But I do really believe that actions are more important than our mindset. Sure, our mindset plays a part, but I do believe that it's really the actions that we actually take.

Whether it be little things. So many decisions each day. It's the actions that actually propel us forward. Um, and sometimes, what's that impactful actions. Yes. Yeah. But even though, even things that you don't even think that really make a difference, you know, like I think a big part of loving yourself. So going kind of back and forth within our little segments here, just, doing the dishes every day, right, or, you know, putting stuff away where they should go versus just putting them aside, which I do some quite a lot, but I am very, I'm trying to be more specific with like putting things back where they belong versus just putting them down.

Right. And I do live by myself. So like, again, nobody's judging me. So sometimes I have a harder time doing that. I understand that. Yep. Um, because my husband would be like, did you do the dishes? Did you take out the trash? I'm like, I'm on it. Don't worry about it. Yeah,  but, but literally, but continuing on with the things that we need every day to like survive, those little actions are also a sign of like self love.

They are, because it's like, if you don't put the dishes away. Today, let's say, then tomorrow, now you have a huge pile of dishes, so now you're more stressed out, now you gotta do double the work, but if you had done that work the day before, you wouldn't have doubled the work today, so it's really just like, Actually just taking care of the, like the small little things that really show yourself that you are on top of things that you are loving yourself because you're not giving yourself more work to do later on.

 I'm pretty sure this is one of my segments I talk about. Getting things done the night before. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, let's go into it. As I'm having some beer today for our balance.

There's nothing wrong with it. Okay, so further down the line I will get into that. Okay. Well, yes, I do agree with you I feel like it's like the little daily habits that we do. I'm huge on before I go to bed This is like my nightly rule. I make sure all my dishes that are in the sink that are in the dishwasher I like to keep my house nice and tidy.

That's just me. That's just makes me sleep better at night Just knowing that tomorrow could be an easy start. Just have my coffee and my one hour to myself, which I love That means no social media just in the moment and I don't have to worry about chores. I don't have to, because we have so much already going up here about just life just will consume us, right?

So I try to think, how can I make that easier for myself? So one little task that I do before I go to bed is putting the dishes away. Or simply as making sure the garbage is taken out. Just little things that I don't have to worry about in the morning. Makes a huge difference. It really does. It does make such a huge difference.

It's so, it's so silly. But yeah, if you, it just will pile on, right? It does. And then you're going to pile on more problems. And no one wants more problems, you know? So we're trying to eliminate the problems. Yes. And you're already making so many decisions every day, like for work, for, you know, your husband, for your

Um, but going along also with like the actions, I do strongly believe that you taking action towards something that is a goal of yours towards something that maybe you want, even if you don't get the thing that you want specifically, it brings you closer to where You should be not necessarily what you want, but at least you're getting closer to where you should be.

Again, I've been putting myself out there, you know, doing all that stuff because I want, you know, I want to find my life partner, um, and I haven't, I've been doing this for months. I haven't found them, but I know that even though I haven't.

I haven't found them yet. I'm getting better at conversations. I'm getting better at so many other things. I'm getting better with just my regular, my relationships with my friends and my family and everything else. I feel like a big part of it is because you're just taking new, better, healthier actions.

Exactly. You know? And that's why I believe that mindset isn't as important as the actions because so many of us can be inside our heads and not actually take any action. Yes. You know, and like before I did the stand up the first time I was terrified of doing it. I was so nervous for months. I mean, I've been like writing jokes for months, you know, so again, the mindset basically was almost like going against me. 

I was just saying, it could trick you, right? Exactly. Go against what you. What you should be doing. Yeah. But the taking the action, but once you take the action, then a, you know, it's not that difficult. And then it brings you closer to where you want to be, which is actually doing the thing. But that's why, like, I think that actions are just so much more important.

And sometimes even, you know, asking somebody out, even though you might be like nervous to ask somebody out. They might reject you, right? But you took that action. You went and did something that was hard for you to do. You're out of your comfort zone. You're out of your comfort zone, but you're doing something that's important to you that you are trying to work towards.

It might not get you that person, but you know what it might get you? It might get you another person because now you're more likely to ask people out or maybe just in general. Now you have more. severe luck in a sense, you know, because you're doing something you should be proud of. Like, Hey, you didn't know I was rejected or it worked out.

Like, I am so glad that I went out of my comfort zone and I took action on something that I normally wouldn't do. It makes you stronger as a person too. Yeah. So, you get the confidence in yourself. Like, Hey, next time I'm just going to go for it. I don't care. I'm going to just go for it and then make sure like I'm gonna shoot my shot.

If that's, I'm talking regard to maybe finding your partner, you know, um, just going for it and see what happens. I mean, I think that's a big, brave, bold move. An object in motion stays in motion, which is why I also believe that again, taking that action, right? Yeah, you're right. And it leads to more actions.

So like one action leads to more actions. It does. Yeah. Usually better actions or better, um, um, alternatives that come out of it. Right. Rather than you not doing it because you might get in your head. Yes. Your head might be telling you, no, don't do that because of save the embarrassment. Right. Correct. And that's where that mindset sometimes like messes you up as, but again, taking the action.

Yep. And just going for that leap of faith. Just doing it. Yeah. Just see what comes out of it. Yeah. Even if it's not what you expected, you should be proud of yourself. At least you tried something that you normally wouldn't be comfortable doing. Mm hmm. It's great. I agree.  

All right. The next segment that we are going to get into is convo starter.

 I'm ready for your question. I'm nervous, but I'm ready All right, so oh boy.

So violet, when do you think it is the right time for a person to find their life partner? You kind of already touched on this in the beginning of our episode, but I kind of want to hear your thoughts on that.

When do you think is the right time? Is there a right time or do you think like, think about yourself? I'm specifically trying to target the singles out there. Oh, thank you. Yep. Trying to help them with when you think is the right time because you've been very good with your. You're taking care of yourself and working on yourself.

So, I actually think this applies to both the singles and sometimes even people who are in relationships. Because just because somebody's in a relationship doesn't mean they're in a good relationship. Even a marriage. I will definitely be very specific with age, at least for women, I can't speak for men, but I would definitely say don't make any big decisions in your 20s.

I think I have to agree. Yeah, I think that. Leave, you know, the getting engaged to getting married till you're at least 30. Um, but we just talked about this before the pod. I think something happens around 35 though. 35, at least for women, you all, you almost become like a whole different person. And maybe it's just us.

Maybe that's when we grew into like ourselves and maybe that's when. Are like, right, like what is the right time, but a hundred percent, I will talk more about that after this question for sure about like my experience in my marriage, like being in my mid thirties. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I definitely would say don't make any big decisions in your twenties.

There's no rush. And you don't know, you don't know yourself. You don't know yourself in your 20s. Yes. Even in college, you know, like right after high school, they're like, no, exactly what you want to do. Go to college for that. But I'm telling you, I feel like you don't know yourself until you're like late 20s.

I would say you're 30s. I wouldn't say you're late 20s. I would definitely say. Maybe starting to find yourself in your 20s and defining yourself in your 30s. Right. Cause like, it's all about experience. You got to get out there and see what you like and don't like. Yeah. I think that a lot of changes. You start seeing the world differently in your thirties because you mature a lot more, you start being more confident, at least for women.

I was excited to be turning 30 because I've heard so much about how your thirties as a woman are such a great age. And they are there. They're also great. Yeah. They're also a heartbreaking age because you are coming into yourself. You're finding yourself a lot. So there is a lot of relearning about who you are and relearning about what you like.

But again, I just, I'm a whole different person than I was in my twenties. So I love to hear that because I always scares me when people when they say about two to three years you start changing as a person. Yeah, it's either you're growing or you're staying the same and I hope that nobody stays the same.

I hope you are growing as a person. So I'm glad that like you feel like and I can see the changes for sure. Um, from our 20s with you, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Because keep in mind we've known each other now for Over 15 years, we've had a pretty good, solid relationship and we, you know, we've seen each other change tremendously.

Well, yeah, we've seen each other go through so many things, so many life periods and stages in life. But, so I would say the other part I would say is   you. The right time to find the right partner would be after you have dealt with some of your childhood trauma with some of your past relationship trauma.

So I would say that you can find a relationship at any point, really, you know, it's technically not that hard to find. A relationship, but to find the right relationship and it still might not lead to the right relationship because there's a lot of luck involved in, you know, finding somebody because it's not correct.

I believe in that. Sometimes it's like just the right place, right time. Correct. Um, but I believe you have higher chances of finding the right person for you after you've Bye. Dealt with some of your inner demons after you've realized why you do the things that you do after you've realized So basically after you've become like almost the person that you have created for yourself.

I love that answer, you know I love it a lot. Yeah, because then you know who you are, you know what you like, you know what, you're looking for You know what you won't settle for I think a lot of times, especially women in their 20s, settle for a lot of horrible behaviors from men, and that's because we've been socialized, you know?

 And I also think it's a lot of life expectations from our family and friends and loved ones and our community members. It's just society's traditions. Yeah. Big part of that is, oh my gosh, I need to be married. I need to start a family. I need to start doing my life to show that I am somebody. Okay, fair enough.

You know, like I know that it's like intertwined into our brains, you know, but really as us being in our thirties, we realized like, that's not the biggest thing. As long as you're happy in your own skin, that's all that matters until you're healthy with yourself is when you should start finding your partner.

There's no timeframe on it. Yes. I like that. Until you're healthy with yourself. Like you said, dealing with your family, childhood traumas. Yeah. Whatever traumas we've had, there's traumas out. There's trauma everywhere. All the time. Your whole life you go through some trauma, so it's going to keep adding on.

Just how you deal with that, how you manage that, and how do you overcome that. Yeah. Right? It's the biggest component here. I agree. Are you okay? So I just wanted to add on though after that, because we talked about our thirties and even before we even recorded this pod, we got into a really good discussion about our thirties and we're like, Oh my God, we need to jump on the pod because right now what we're talking about is just awesome. 

So, um, I know I'm a dink, so it means dual income, no kids. I met my husband when I was 19, he was 20, I'm now 35, he's 36. So we've been together for a pretty extensive amount of time. Um, but I, I agree. I feel like the thirties is just a, a different time in our lives, you know, especially for my husband and myself, um, either you're growing together or you're growing apart, but I noticed with my partner, um, that we are still growing together and it's, it's actually.

Quite amazing. Even though, you know, we had different beliefs, you know, when I was in my twenties, I really did want a family and I overcame that and we just didn't, you know, just due to life circumstances. We just didn't. Um, we enjoy traveling. We enjoy, you know, our careers and a lot has to do too, which is having a lot of family to be around.

And unfortunately that both of us don't have that, you know, we just don't have family members that are We You know, available for us if we need something, I know they're there for us, but not like if I did have children, you know, they could drop what they're doing and be there for us. It's just, that's just not our life.

You know, we're all working. We have, um, many things in our lives that, you know, um, that it's just not doable really in a sense. So we decided to live life a little bit differently. We love to travel. Um, we love to work out and spend time together is a big thing. Yeah. Um, and I know a lot of relationships, just trying to find that time together is kind of hard, you know, so we're big on that.

But in our thirties, we just realized, I realized too in my early thirties too, like we're both changing so much and it's like a change for the better. Like I'm really growing into my own. I noticed like my husband, his name's Paul, he's really growing into himself too. Um, we're starting to really take care of ourselves more.

We're really focused on the self love, you know, in our twenties, I really didn't love myself as much as I do now. I didn't love myself at all in my twenties to be completely honest with you. I honestly struggled with myself. I struggled with myself. I didn't like who I was becoming. I didn't like my appearance.

I was not confident. And so I started really working out, working out, like really changed my life. It actually does. Working out does do so many things. I'm telling you, it changed my relationship with my family and changed my relationship with, well, biggest one is myself. Changed my relationship with my husband.

It changed the relationship with my friends, my family, my coworkers, my, my career. I feel like I just have this, like this confidence that just, is illuminating. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel like I really am growing into myself and I'm proud of who I am. It's crazy. Like the thirties is trying times because like you're starting for a family, you're having kids.

So I'm navigating now or you're not, I'm not, but I'm navigating. How to, you know, my friends are growing with their families. They're having children and Paul and I are just, we don't have kids, but it's like, we're still growing as a couple, you know, um, in many ways. Like he's driving his career. I'm thriving in my career and also my hobbies and just really who we're becoming.

I'm just loving it in our thirties, especially in mid thirties. So it's, it's just weird. You know, it's just, it's, I don't want to say it's like a midlife crisis cause it's not, but it kind of is, you know, next episode we'll talk about a pre midlife crisis. So let's save this for next one. Okay. Okay. Perfect.

We'll save that. For next time. All right.  

All right. It's about that time to get into, it's just fish.

 Okay, let's uh, talk about What's been going on in our lives?

It's the exciting part. Well mine is kind of silly So, all right, this is my house my podcast room. You can see I have two end tables here This is just a it's just fish moment. I thought I was gonna have two end tables that were the same size And they're not, so of course she gives me the smaller one.

I'm like, I'm going to try out the larger one. All right. So I have a large and a small, and I really thought they're going to be too large, but I should have paid a little bit more attention to the description. I saw that there was like one large and one small. I was thinking, Oh, this is just showing us like what sizes there are.

And I'm like, great. I'm just going to, and it comes into two sets. I'm like, great. I clicked on the large and the large came with a small description. I'm like, Oh my God, are you kidding me? But I'm making it work because everything's workoutable and that's just my it's just fish moment. Yeah, and this week these are super cute and yes. There's nothing wrong with this.

No so far. We're making it actually kind of looks nice that it's like not the same setup You know, I know I'm trying to make everything kind of like more. Yeah, it's more me, you know, oh, this is no this is So cute. The whole setup. So I love this table. Yeah, me too. It came out really nice. I'm just really proud of the chairs.

I love them. Everything's everything. But yeah, I was just laughing at myself because of course that would happen when I order something. I'm thinking it's going to be the same size. I'm like, no, definitely not. Nope. But how do you work with it? You know, we're just rolling with it. We're just rolling with it.

So I went to a singles event last night. That was my very, very first singles event. I was in the city. So we live in the Midwest. Uh, we're both out in the Chicago suburbs. And so I went to the city. So I went to Chicago. I took the Metra train and then the L, um, it was. It was worth it. Uh, it was very interesting.

I was super nervous to go in there. And I don't know why I'm always so nervous because like every time I go do something, well, I shouldn't say every time I go do something by myself, but quite often when I go do like something like this by myself, there's It's always somebody I like start meeting. And so like when I went in, they gave you like a free drink ticket.

So I go in, get checked in, and then I go stand in line waiting to get a drink. And then there's a girl that's also there by herself. So we, so I made a friend right away. That's nice. Octavia was her name, which is super, super cool. Yeah. That's a cool name. Yeah. But so she's been to a singles event before.

So she was kind of showing me the ropes. She was like, you just gotta stand. You know, find like a place to stand and then the men will come up to you and then of course she was like then There's also the men that won't come up to you because they think they're too good And I'm like, yeah, that's the man that we don't want.

Yeah They want you to approach them. Yes, but so it should be a two way street Um, I do believe, I believe that a man, it's just more attractive when a man approaches you. I have to agree for sure. Yes. I'm just saying, but if you both could work on it, not just like expectation of you come up to me, you know, but if you're making an eye contact, eye contact, which I got to work on that.

I'm horrible at making eye contact. I literally cannot do it, which I know we've talked about, but like, I don't know something about that rejection to me, we'll practice not with each other. Cause that's awkward. Why not? What's wrong with that? But I don't know. But yeah, I really got to work on that. I just cannot like.

Yeah, I just don't like getting rejected, which is what I've been working on the last few months, and I keep, I keep working on it. Um, but it was super cool, though, because she was literally my age, she's turning 37, I think, next month, she said, so it just worked out. Did you just make a new best friend?

Basically, I better not get replaced, create a new podcast with her. So rude. Oh, uh, but what was so interesting is this podcast with D!NK. Wow. Right away. Like you didn't even give me a chance. You're like. Was this your whole plan all along? You're like, I just want to do my own podcast. I just, this was your reason for like, Oh God, no way.

You helped me, girl, you pulled me into this. Oh my God. I'm glad you did. So, but it was so interesting because the men that we had approaching us were all like in their twenties. Really? Okay. Maybe not all of them. Some of them were like 30 or 32, but it was. Basically all like, and maybe it's also because it was a younger crowd, but I can't even say that there was definitely some older people like people in their 50s.

So I talked to some of them because of course it's always a 50 year old man. Really? So it's like 50s and then the 20s. There was really no 30s? Yeah, there was some 30s, but at least all the people that we talked to they were like 30, 32. There was one good looking guy. He was 32 when he approached me and he was super cute, but of course he's like in school, so he's back in school and he's a musician, so definitely unstable, just, you know, I definitely need somebody who like makes at least the same kind of money that I make because I've, you know, I've dated people and all that.

Yeah, you know, and it's, there's nothing wrong with going back to, because he went back to school for like an, uh, he wants to be a doctor. So it's cool. Yeah. You know, great that he's doing that, but I just, yeah, someone more consistent. I need somebody who's already, who already has their life figured out, established, like I have my life figured out.

Yeah, for sure. Makes sense. Um, and is, you know, kind of passed all of that. Plus again, he's like five years younger, which I would date. Like that's not, but there was like this one dude that was like 25. He was such a good looking kid, but he was like, really? Yeah. I mean, 25 to me as a kid, like, I know, me too.

I'm 35. I still consider that as a, as a child. Yeah, literally, though. He had, like, the cutest, like, eyelashes. Yeah, I was like, you're so cute. You're so, I literally think I might have called him that. Let me pinch that cheek. You big baby. Yeah. Oh my god, that's hilarious. Um, but he was, like, really hitting on me.

So, basically, I have a new market. I mean, good for you. That's great. Yeah, all the young guys like me, which, I don't know if that makes sense. I don't know if now I'm a cougar. I don't think I am. I'm not a cougar yet, but like, I don't know if I should feel good about this or I should feel bad about this. Oh my god, I don't know how I feel about this.

Because I look at you as like a child. Literally, literally. Please, like, I'm like. That could be your mother, you know? Get the fuck out of here, guy. Have a child when you're 12. 12. Yes, 12, 12. Oh boy. As long as you had fun, you know? And that's all that matters. And you did something that you've never done before, which is really cool.

You gave it a chance. So I think I would maybe do this again. It was, I literally, I mean, there were so many men that talked to me, so that was a positive. So it's really good. Yeah. It was definitely a positive. Um, I was a little upset. There was like this one dude early on. 

Um, I was like standing there with like my drink and then my straw fell out and the dude's just like Literally he was I guess he was going up to the bar. So he's like walking past me He's like, oh my god, your straw just fell out, you know, do you want me to get you a new one?

I was like, yeah And so he went up to the bar and was getting himself a drink. And then some two dudes came up to us, yet again, the young, the young children. Oh no, they were like 31, but still, um, so my age, you know, our age technically now, but then like, I was. So we were talking to them and the conversation was good.

Um, the one dude was like super short though. So definitely not interested in that. Like way shorter, you know, like I would be fine with dating somebody like my height, but not like super short. I'm not one of those, Oh my God, he's going to be six foot tall type of people. But, but then the dude that like talked about the straw literally just.

Walked past us, did not grab me a straw and I was like, that was such a good like opportunity for you to, and he was a good looking guy, like looked more closer to if he just had too much like going up, up here about the night. You know, and that's fine. He just totally forgot or? Yeah, but it's like, yeah, that was such a good line and like I thought that was going to go some place.

Yeah, but it's like, that's kind of a turn off. Oh, that was such a huge turn off because you clearly. Can't follow through. Yeah, you can't follow through. Somebody who can't be committed is an issue. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Especially at this. Mm hmm. Yeah. At this time. At the event. Right? Especially at this event.

Yeah. And it's, and again, there was such a good line that was like, I was like, this is perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, dude, you were doing great up to this moment. You didn't bring me, bring me back my straw. What the heck? Yeah. You see him walk by. You're like, okay, I guess I'll get my straw. Yeah, I never got the straw.

Gosh, I was done with that drink by the time I was like, okay. Yeah, I'd be done with him too. I'd be like, bye. Oh yeah, I didn't talk to him, you know, after that. For sure. ​

 It is now time for a quick fit tip.

 I do like personal training on the side. It's just, you know, my little thing. Um, so every episode I like to talk about, you know, either tips or, um, maybe some challenges you have in regard to working out or getting started. So I want to talk about some benefits of regular exercise. Um, so what I've noticed, especially from working out is it definitely keeps you physically active because once you start going and you start staying, staying committed. Like you become disciplined and it's just part of your daily life. It's like your lifestyle.

It definitely reduces chronic diseases. You get better sleep. I, my sleep has improved tremendously from working out. Um, definitely have a higher sex drive. I knew where that was going as soon as you started laughing. That smirk. Yeah. I gotta say that's definitely a plus, which is great. 

Oh, now I get to ask the weird questions. I like that because you know me, I'm already weird as a friend. You accept me for who I am. 

I think that makes you, um, you and your partner bond on a much higher level than most. If you guys have a really good sex life, I think that will keep a relationship very, very, very healthy for many years. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like a bonding, you know, oh, yeah, if you don't have sex then you're just friends like right, you know, I mean I have enough friends.

I don't need more friends And I'm not here to judge anybody But I'm a very sexual person and if I had a sexual Or, uh, sexless marriage, that just wouldn't work for me. I just, I couldn't, because I feel like that's a huge disconnect, and I'm sorry for the people out there who maybe do have a sexless, sexless marriage.

That could be over six months, right? I think it's over six months? It's considered, like, a sexless marriage. Oh, really? I didn't know that. I believe so. Don't hold me to it, but I believe so. Oh, that's very interesting. Okay. Yeah, and if there's no sex, then, like, Should I Google this? Yeah. Google it, please. I just think, um, that is a big component of a relationship is you two being able to have a healthy sex life.

That's huge. Super important. Okay. So I'm going to Google this right now. Yeah, please do. Let me know if that, if I'm wrong, I could be wrong. It might be two months. I don't know, but I thought it was over six months. See what you find. Okay, so this says, There are multiple definitions of a sexless marriage.

One is literal. Literal. It's okay. The couple has not had any sex at all for a long period of time. Another widely measured, uh, widely used measure for sexless marriage is having sex fewer than 10 times a year. Oh, that's interesting. That's weird. Uh, that makes me so sad for them. Oh my gosh. Having sex fewer than 10 times a year.

But like, how do you say that's a sexless marriage if you're still having sex, but it's less than 10 times a year? So that's like a weird number. Well, maybe I guess it depends on how many times. Like a month or if it's a week, I don't know how they're getting their statistics, but, but yeah, like how, how do you come up with 10, you know, like, why is it 10?

Why wouldn't it be maybe like less than 12? Cause there's 12 months in the year. Like, it's just kind of a weird, that's a weird way for them to say, like, um, define a sex, sexless marriage. Right. Yeah. So that's interesting. Yeah. But I, I really think. You know, and I don't want to judge anybody, but I really think that sex is a huge component into a healthy relationship.

You know, I really do. It brings you close together and, you know, if you guys are both into it, go for it. That's great. Um, I also think that working out definitely helps you with depression. You know, it definitely makes me think clearly and it definitely sends the dopamine, dopamine rush. And I feel great after every time I work out, I just feel good about myself.

And, um, just getting that workout accomplished. It just makes me feel so good. Definitely makes me happier. Hopefully it'll make you happier and definitely creates confidence. So if you are struggling on your confidence, I suggest that you try to start working out. Um, that can be even as simply as just three days a week.

 Starting out with your walking. Yep. Yeah. It doesn't have to be strength training. It doesn't. Um, just getting the body moving. Yeah. But so how do you believe that it creates confidence? That's a very interesting point. Cause, um, I think the more you work on yourself and you start becoming more consistent.

And especially if you have mirrors, I believe in mirrors when you're working out, because then you start to see your body changing and you're seeing progress. I don't know what it does to my brain, but it sends these signals that I start feeling really good about myself. And then it builds my confidence knowing that I look a better version of myself than I have within like a week ago, two weeks ago, just how it's, it's showing like how my progress is.

It makes me. Believe that, Oh my God, you're, you're looking amazing. You know, it just builds my confidence up. Okay. So really just like working out, like just really shapes me as a better person. Do you advocate for taking pictures of yourself then when you're at the gym or like progress pictures? I'm a big believer in that.

I definitely do it for myself. Um, cause I like to see my transition and. I like to see where, because we see each other all the time, like our own bodies and our mirrors, you know, but I like to see it over time. Um, my transitioning period of how my body's changing from my workouts and yeah, it builds my confidence up tremendously when I start to see like definition in my muscles and like just getting more lean or, you know, you start seeing lines in the abs.

 It's telling you, it makes you feel so good. I've never had that maybe one day. I'm here for you. Whatever you need. Honestly, as long as it's free, as long as it's free. Yeah, for sure. Just kidding. Yeah. I'll pay you in. You don't need to. You're my best friend. It's okay. Um, okay. Those are all very good points.

And I. I do an okay job at working out. I need to start doing a little bit better, but I agree with you, especially on the depression part because I definitely, the times where like, I've definitely felt somewhat depressed. Um, you know, we can go two ways, right? We can start working out or doing positive things for ourselves, or we can start drinking or all the bad habits.

And yes, I've definitely gone both ways in the past. I think a lot of us have. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, at least some of us, but I definitely always noticed such a big improvement in how I feel about myself, especially when I'm going through like those more depressive times of my life. When I work out, I do feel so much better.

So I agree with all the points, obviously brought up, but like that one's such a big one. Setting all the dopamine rushes. And you know, you did something good for yourself, right? Yeah. Self love. Self love. That's the name of this episode. It is. Yeah. Self love. I love that. Yeah. Very true. So. You did something good and positive for yourself rather than drinking, which is a depressant, you know, and then you wake up the next morning and you feel terrible.

You feel like garbage. You're like, my God, what did I do to myself? Why did I allow this to happen? Yeah. You took an action, but you also took a positive action. Then that's also something beneficial for yourself. That's also key. And that helps. And taking more positive actions does also help with. Dealing with depression because you again because it all kind of ties in right so like you're loving yourself more Um, which helps also lessen the depression because you trust yourself, you know that you're a good person, you know that you deserve good things, and then the more you know that you deserve good things, the more of that you also start doing, the more you then work out, the more you start getting like this healthy like routine in your, in your head, right?

You start like knowing what makes you happy and you're like, I'm going to continue doing this stuff. Yes. Let's just up it up a notch, you know. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. A thousand percent.  

I want to talk about being productive and you know, when you're single, and so I definitely want to cover it from this angle when you're single, obviously you're living by yourself.

Well, not obviously, sometimes you live with other people, but I'm mainly specifically talking about the people who are single, but also live by themselves. You know, we don't have somebody checking up on us. We don't have somebody seeing how the house looks all of the time. So you can get into ruts where you're not cleaning as often, where you're.

You know, not doing the dishes all the time, that kind of stuff, because you're like, well, it doesn't really matter. Nobody's seeing this. Nobody's checking in on me. Exactly. Um, so sometimes I have those thoughts. Sometimes I'm like, well, it doesn't really matter. But I also know that every time I actually take care of it today versus putting it till tomorrow, it makes me feel better.

It makes me a better person, confirms that I love myself because I'm doing this so that I don't have to do double or triple the work a following day, all of that stuff. But so sometimes I'm just having a hard time in getting myself to actually do that stuff. So this is a trick that I have, and this is why we dance at the end of these episodes, because I do believe that dancing actually helps your productivity.

Um, I believe that if, or music, even just music, you know, if you're not feeling productive, Literally start dancing, whether it be with music or without music, I think that just, if you're unproductive, just get up, put on a good song, start dancing. And it actually, it's that action of the dancing that helps you get into a better mood.

It definitely helps your mood. Yeah. And it also helps you to, cause at that point you're already standing up, you're already moving. So your body's like, okay, let's keep this going. Right. You're more likely to now start on a task you've been putting off. You're more likely to do something that you don't want to do. 

So I highly suggest that man, it just like really improves your mind. I think it's the action again. I think it's the action. I mean, it's both, but I do think it's that actual action. It moves you to the action and then that's where it matters. So. I think, are we ready for?

I think so. I would, I think we're definitely ready to end this episode.